Loads of F-bombs

I'm saying a lot of 'bad words' these days. And I like it.

It's not my fault...It's my friend's fault because she's moving.

Poopwad.

I find myself feeling irritated with her and her family, when actually, I am irritated at the situation. Irritated that once again, I have let myself become close to someone, and they are moving away.

I hate that. I hate change. I am a selfish, selfish friend. Loyal to a fault, but selfish.

Below is an excerpt from an old post that talks about my friends moving away and my new criteria for making friends. I must implement the new criteria asap, as this friend-moving-away-stuff is just too daggone painful.

sniff...

Poopwad McDorcus'.

That's what you all are - Poopwad McDorcus'.

All of you who are or have moved away. Shame on you. Getting me to like you and getting all chummy/friendy with me and then just up and moving. Poopwads, you are. I distinctly remember a very passionate discussion that Jon and I had once.

One of Jon's friends was in the middle of writing a play and he had entrusted Jon with his only copy of the play. He wanted Jon to read it over and give his opinion. Obvious to me though, was the fact that he didn't really want an opinion. He had spent years and years on this play and it was his pride and joy. The only problem was that, well, plainly put, it weren't any good. It was dull and boring and churchy and like reading the bible word for word. The problem was that Jon thought the same thing that I did and just didn't know what to tell his friend.

After Jon lamented over this fact for some time, it was then that I summed things up for him.

"See, Jon. This is why I don't have friends. They require something of you and drain you of energy and make you worry and fret. Family, I have to spend time and energy on. It's just a given. So why in the world would I knowingly and willingly go into another relationship, of my own free will, when ultimately, it will just mean work for me?"

See, I had given this no-friend thing a lot of thought. This wasn't just some random comment that I made to Jon.

Needless to say, my crowd-loving, people-hugging husband was never pleased with this theory. He tried and tried to change me and I tried and tried too in our early years, but once my line was drawn and my jaw was set, there was no changing. I loved being at home on the floor playing with the boys and he did too. But for some reason, after being home for a long time, he had this longing to go out and be amongst the peoples. Go figure.

Okay, so times have changed a bit and so have we. I still need my space and he still needs his peoples. It's just that we both have grown and stretched ourselves and I'll admit it...I like people. Well, some people.

Until they stinking up and move. This causes me to rethink the whole friend thing.

Poopwads.

All of you movers are poopwads.

I'm not selfless like you are. If I had to move or had a wonderful opportunity to move, you poopwad friends would encourage me and celebrate with me. I'm not like that, okay? I'm selfish and want my friends all snug around me.

So I've decided to interview people before I can actually become friends with them.

Do you plan or even entertain the idea of moving over thirty miles away at any point during your lifetime? Would you move if offered double your salary? Would you do it if God called you?

Any yes or even slightest hesitation to these questions would immediately disqualify the masses of people that, I'm sure, would apply to be my friend.

I like this concept. And I don't like Poopwad McDorcus friends who move.