I'm not a big Christmas carol fan. It's not that I really mind carols, but I'm not one of those people that loves them. I'll sing a few here and there, but they really don't do much for me.
Except Silent Night.
And What Child is This?
And Away in a Manger.
If any of these songs are sung live and sung soft and beautiful, they somehow reduce me to chin-quivering. It just happens. It also just happens that I hear these songs quite often this time of year. Go figure.
If I am in public when my nose starts to sting and my eyes start getting leaky, I resort to desperate measures.
I count things.
I intently count things.
For example, today in church, Tim was talking about the young girl that died this week at the Christmas play at Crossroads. He had a 'behind the scenes' peek into the thoughts of the girl's parents. It was beautiful and gut-wrenching at the same time. I felt the lump growing in my throat. I inhaled deeply. I bit my lip. Didn't work.
I counted ornaments on the Christmas wreaths. Very intently. Did you know there are more ornaments on the right one than on the left one? I think the count was 9-7. There are also the same number of ceiling tiles on the ceiling of the stage as the side of the stage. If you were able to fold the wall into the stage, they would match. All this was learned by trying desperately to keep the tears from getting so heavy that they overflowed and told on me.
Yet as Tim wrapped up the story and began to move on, I saw person after person wipe their face. I heard sniffles from all around and I saw my big, strong father-in-law take out his handkerchief, pull off his glasses, and wipe his eyes.
But, but...I would argue passionately, they cry pretty.
Seriously, Melanie, again with the crying-pretty argument?
Why is this? Is this just me or is it difficult to let oneself actually cry in public??
Sunday, December 21, 2008
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9 comments:
I don't like to cry in front of people, period, public or not. I can handle if tears are just streaming down my face but if the chin starts quivering and I can't squelch the sobs I hate it. A few years ago some good friends suddenly lost their 16 month old daughter to pneumonia and during her funeral I completely lost it. That's the worst I've ever been. I've almost cried every time I hear about the girl from Crossroad on the news. So sad for her family.
I don't like to cry in public, but I find at church I just can't help it. Today was no different. As soon as Tim brought this up I started. I had HUGE tears in my eyes. I couldn't even see Tim, let alone the ornaments. I would blink and the tears would roll down my face and Tim would be looking at me, which made it worse. He even came up to me afterward to ask if I was o.k.
ditto about the crying.
my carol is o holy night- when they get to the climax.
I have deliberately had my head in the sand about the crossroads thing. I just can't wrap my mind around it, and I can't take it right now.
I don't like to cry in public. I'd be OK if some tears just welled up and rolled gently down my cheek but my chin quivers, my face and neck get red and blotchy and, of course, my nose runs. And I never have tissues. Mostly it's that vulnerable, not-in-control feeling that comes when you get emotional that makes it an uncomfortable public experience. After church, my husband was talking about how strong the faith of Keri's parents must be based on their reaction to her accident. He said he didn't think he has that kind of faith but he wants that kind of faith. That made me really lose it but it was OK -- I made it to the car first.
By the way, it was really nice to finally meet you in person yesterday!
wow. that whole thing was crazy. my in-laws were all at the performance and were witnesses. to hear them tell about it the other night made me cry. i don't like to cry in public but sometimes it's impossible NOT to!
Oh yeah, Mrs. Blue Sky, I forgot about O Holy Night. That does it too.
And Darth, it was great finally meeting you. It only took three months and even after three months, I STILL didn't find you. You're a sneaky girl.
I don't cry because I'm a man.
I learned simular tricks several years ago. Fortunately for me, I was sitting at the computer paying attention to what I needed to do next and, while listening to the talk, not getting wrapped up in the emotion of it. There have been a few times at church that I felt that annoying lump start to well up in my throat. Fortunately, noone noticed.that something got in my eyes.
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