For some strange, sick reason, I laid in bed early this morning and was dreaming of what my pantry would hold in the event that neither money nor health was an issue. I was disgusted and slightly ashamed at my food quirks. After a friend's recent confessional post about 'bad' foods, I decided that if I were to share my food cravings, maybe, just maybe I will find that I am not alone in this sick, sick list of nasty foods. Topping the list, of course, is pop tarts. I do not buy pop tarts because I would consume them in massive quantities. Strawberry with frosting, please. The boys had pop tarts from a friend's home, left one in the backseat of the van, I found it the following day and ate it in three bites. Sick, I tell you. These so-called-friends unwittingly broke my clean cycle of living.
Oh, baby, how I long for you, Miracle Whip. My fridge hasn't seen the likes of you in over ten years. I'd slather you on everything from french fries to pizza.
Two packs of fake, powdered cheese and extra milk would make Kraft Dinner just about my dream. Straight out of the pan so I don't see exactly how much I eat. 
But the food I would stock every inch of every shelf in my pantry is spaghetti o's. They aren't really made by a chef, but the label tells me it's so and I believe it, daggone it. They make my heart flutter. I open the can and it's caked with lard and fake chunks of mystery meat, oh. my. And then, oh baby, and then, I pick up a fork and eat them...cold...right out of the can. Life doesn't get any better...ahhhh....
No matter that if I did stock my pantry with sickening foods that I would a) get sick or b) crave healthy food in two days. No matter. Because this morning, my dream was a good one: a pantry full of exactly what I wanted and it didn't matter that it would clog my arteries and make me a puddle of lard.
It was beautiful.
7 comments:
they used to make peanut butter and jelly Pop Tarts...Those were da bomb!
The funny thing is I could make part of your dream come true. I have quite a few cans of the chef stuff out in my garage. Caitlin used to eat the stuff but one day decided she didn't like it anymore. Unfortunately I had just bought a case from Sams!! She claims the stuff from Sams isn't good???? She's so picky that I just let her eat what she wants, healthy or not.
Your boys had some pop-tarts here the other day. I don't think Jack liked his so then he had some ultra healthy Cocoa Krispies. You should know though that I did offer them waffles as a healthier alternative. :D
Get some Miracle Whip and fry up some bologna. Mmmmmm.
Dangit with all these food posts lately making me hungry.
Just so you know...I ate Kraft Mac & Cheese the other day right out of the pan...and I'm pretty sure I ate 7/8 of the box before I thought to myself. I'd better not eat all of this or I might consider myself disgusting.
p.s...I made it with half and half too.
Melanie-I have a one of those little packets that you just throw in a microwave and whip up. I could give it to you. You know you want it...
Pork rinds + Tabasco sauce. YUM!
Yes, yes, yes, and YES! Cold out of the can- my husband would make barfing sounds at me.
gooey white bread + miracle whip + bologne (maybe even throw on a slice of individually wrapped processed cheese)= heaven.
cheese in a can with crackers. Or Old English cheese.
slim jims.
pop tarts most definitely- I would like mine with hormonal vitamin D milk, thank you.
Maybe some entemanns (sp?) chocolate cake donuts- hard chocolate on the outside with yellow cake on the inside. Crumbled up in a glass of milk.
oreos the same way.
This list should make you feel better.
Rachel
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